Tuesday, March 22, 2005

I had never watched it until this season but the colossal mountain of crap, completely void of any value, that saturates our airwaves has forced my hand. I'm not sure if it's the lack of anything else of value or that it's actually a decent show, but I'm honestly enjoying it as a 'reality show' (yes, those are quotations because there's nothing real about these shows).

My interpretation of the characters still in the race:

Greg and Brian, brothers:

These two are walking cliches. They call each other G and B, wear bandanas over their bartender-chic do's, and speak 'California Cool'. They have a special handshake and are physically unidentifiable from each other. Think LFO ...and you KNOW they drive Jeeps.

You know the type.

Lynn and Alex, boyfriends:

Jello-y femme-tastic fun. I love these guys. The token gay couple, these guys personify every homosexual stereotype like a script. They do not run, but prance. They do not choose a horse based on size or sturdines, but 'ohhhh, look how pretty!'. I think they'll come in second, only because they stopped to bitch-slap their cab driver on the last leg of the race.

Ron and Kelly, dating:

Ron is a former POW and Kelly was a beauty queen; TO and I like to call them The Robots. They are a couple of cold fish who, we believe, didn't even really know each other before the race, nevermind dating and in love. Sure.

They show no emotion and don't listen to a word the other speaks. They don't fight at all, just completely disregard everything the other says. I have never witnessed such narcissism, nor such a passionless relationship. Ron will explode with deep-seeded, unexpressed rage and frustration one day but Kelly won't even notice.

Uchenna and Joyce, married:

This couple has a little black cloud following them around in their lives, but it doesn't seem to get them down for a second. I bet Joyce was a cheerleader.

I predict them to be top 3, despite their inclination towards bad luck.

Ray and Deana, dating on and off:

This dude needs to take a chill pill. His rage boils just under the surface and no one can do anything right but him. My bet is, they're 'on and off' due to the time she spends in the hospital ER with black eyes.... uh huh

He's totally bitter each week they don't come in first (which is every week, btw). He fancies himself quite the competitor and entirely superior over the other back-of-the-pack teams, or the 'bottom feeders' as he calls them. It doesn't matter that quite frequently the majority of the bottom feeders are ahead of them in the race.

My prediction is, he'll off Deana during a difficult leg of the race and finish single-handedly because she's just holding him back, ya know.

Rob and Amber, engaged:

Last but not least, the slimiest couple to ever hit reality television. Both are double Survivor Alums and alliance vetrans who employ every sleazy tactic to get ahead. They're the couple you love to hate and they will SO win. But only because they're both such scam artists.

Get awesome blog templates like this one from BlogSkins.com