Thursday, May 26, 2005

My mother in law is a snatch

Ooops! Was that my outside voice?

To offer a little background info, my husband is the oldest of four children. His mother has been married twice and had two children with each husband; he and his sister with the first and two brothers with the second. She was youngish when she had her first two, but her second marriage didn't fair any better than the first. The second husband's name is officially The Asshole. In her defense, The Asshole really is an asshole. He was terrible to her two older children, but then again, she was too...she allowed the beatings to take place. The first two children were her practice children, the things that happened to them growing up either 'didn't happen' or weren't her fault because she was 'too young to be a mother' at the time.

Hubby's two brothers are 11 and 12 years younger than him, currently college-going, part-time-working, walking-on-water types, especially Chris, aka The Golden Child. Her office is plastered with photos of the younger boys, she gushes and brags about them endlessly. Alas, her co-workers don't even know that she actually has four children as the older two are not even mentioned in passing. The Practice Children don't exist in her fantasy land.

She stopped by yesterday evening, wearing the weight of the world on her shoulders. Sighing dramatically, face hanging in acute despair. Her fantasy world has been shattered.

The Golden Child got arrested this weekend! *gasp*

Apparently the fool was being a drunken fucktard and 'fell' through the plate glass window of a storefront downtown. I'm not sure what he was charged with or if charges are even being pursued. (I was too busy trying not to giggle hysterically at the time to absorb any of the specifics...) But I tell you, you'd have thought he had just been sentenced to 25 years the way she was carrying on.

Ummm...hellooooo crazy lady. The Practice Children have never been arrested! They're both actually lovely, surprisingly well-adjusted (no thanks to her), functioning, contributing members of society.

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Get awesome blog templates like this one from