NostalgiaI ran into an old boyfriend last week, the one I dated before I met my now-husband. Things didn't end well back then - I was a pretty unhealthy person in 1990 but we had seen each other around and had somewhat mended fences many years ago. This likely occured over a few tequila shots with drunken hugs and some 'you're my besht buddy!' and ''you know I shtill love ya!' action at a party somewhere.
The encounter was unexpected because I had heard he's been out of the country for a few years and didn't live here anymore. He was out for lunch with his grandma, of all things... (Why do they always come out looking like the perfect sweet gentlemen after all these years?)
I saw him first and I wasn't sure if he saw me or not. Of course, I avoided eye contact until the very last minute, feigning pleasant surprise, carrying a charming, sugar-coated smile all over my face. He took one look at me, turned around, and walked the other way. Uhhh...say wha'?!
This could be one of a few scenarios:
1. He doesn't remember our 'it's all ok' drunken conversation and still holds bitter feelings after 15 years. Highly unlikely unless he's either a complete loser or I was far more special in his mind than I deserve.
2. Maybe he didn't eve see me and he was turning back to help his grandma out to the car and I am completely over-reacting.
3. Perhaps I have changed SO much in the last 15 years that he didn't even recognize me.
Possibility #3 is completely horrifying to me. Not that this was a good thing, but back when we dated, part of me being 'unhealthy', along with being a selfish, snotty little bitch, I also had a bit of an eating disorder.
Side note: is being 'kinda anorexic' like being 'kinda pregnant'?
That's right - I didn't eat back then. Well, I may have once a day. I weighed under 100 lbs. And ummm....let's just say that I weigh just a LITTLE more than that now. *dripping with sarcasm*
The possibility that my body has morphed into this big, soft, baby-producing lump of lard that appears so completely different from my highschool yearbook photo and good-old-days memories so as to be completely unrecognizable to those I knew way-back-when is enough to send me directly to purge mode. I love food way too much now to starve myself now - I'd better learn to stick my finger down my throat. Or maybe I'll go on the Supermodel Diet; nothing but cocaine, diet pepsi, and cigarettes. Twenty year reunion, here I come........
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