Wednesday, September 28, 2005

The stages of grief

These past few weeks I've been putting my own personal issues aside and providing a shoulder for my sister to cry on, a stronger arm to lean on. After seven years of marriage, a five year old son, and a new fetus that they tried so hard to make stick, her husband decided that he was no longer happy in their relationship. He'd rather be single and pursue a relationship with the reporter he works side by side with. (he's a camera man for the news) Bastid.

She skipped the first stage of grief, Denial...because, let's face it, when shit is staring you in the face it's hard not to see it. On the night she threw him out on his ass I went over to be with her. After the hysterical crying and hyperventalating settled down she moved right on to the second stage of grief, Anger. And oh baby, was she angry.

We set down at the computer to write a therapeutic email to The Woman and The Husband, hoping it would make her feel a little better to purge some of the things she was feeling into words. Here is what we came up with:

Dear Reporter With The Bad Cavewoman Hair,

As it is unlikely that we will ever meet face to face, I would like to take this opportunity to discuss our mutual association. It was revealed to me this evening that you and my husband of seven years have been carrying on a relationship outside of work for quite some time now. In light of our marriage, our five year old son, and my new pregnancy, I find this behavior very unprofessional.

After reading your email to Husband With Uncontrolled Cock of last week, titled 'For Your Eyes Only', I have direct and intimate knowledge of your ongoing relations with him and your feelings about such. Surely you will be pleased to know that he is no longer cohabiting with me and our son and is now free to continue your infidelity without future complications. I would like to thank you for facilitating the discovery of Husband With The Uncontrolled Cock's true nature, as I'm sure you realize, it takes a very special man to cheat on his pregnant wife. Hopefully you will be there to provide a shoulder for him to cry on when he is faced with the reality of his actions and the life (or lack thereof) he is left with, as a result of his and your decisions of the past months. It is also my hope that you can help Husband With The Uncontrolled Cock find a way to explain to his son that his daddy doesn't live with him anymore.

In closing, I would like to wish you all the best of luck in the future with my lying, cheating, cowardly husband. I am confident that the two of you are perfect for each other.

My Pregnant Sister

We wrote it, I went home........and she SENT it. Not just to the two Infidels, but to everyone in his office as well, including producers and news director. To his business partner. To his mother. To his two sisters. Like I said - Anger.

I'm not so sure about the Bargaining stage of grief, I think she was too mad. Then she moved right on to Depression. She's been very sad, not eating, not sleeping, which is not good for the contents of her uterus.

The final stage of grief is Acceptance but I think we've skipped right over that one too because Husband With The Uncontrolled Cock is back.

*Names have been altered to protect the messed up

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