[kiss my crisis]

I'm Sorry.

I'm so sorry. I have much to say; a part two and even a part three. But you see it's Christmas and my husband has 18 days of holidays. Eight. Teen. Days.

Believe me when I say... my husband is a gift from my own true guardian angel. If it wasn't for him I may have sold or eaten my children during these 'holidays'. (Why do they call it that? To WHOM do these holidays apply?)

I have a business trip coming up on Tuesday as well. Bear with me. I'm such a shameless whore and as such, I'll get around to spilling every detail of dirt when the mood strikes (and time permits).

2 comments! kim e posted at 1:23 AM
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The life of Riley, part 1.

It was late winter/early spring of 1997. I was 23 and full of promise, a woman on a mission. I had a two year old son and a boyfriend who couldn't find a job. I was going to college and had a new job in an Irish singalong-type of pub. I had just been accepted to the program I wanted at school. It was going to be a little intense for a few years but it was going to pay off in the end. Life was as free and as hopeful as it can be when you are working hard towards a promising future.

Then it happened.

I gagged while I brushed my teeth. My breasts hurt. I was sick.

It was just the flu. Really. I needed more vitamins, stop going out with the girls on weekends. Really.

I missed my period.

Holy fuck.

Oh my God.

Shut UP.

A two year old baby. Live-in boyfriend with no job. School. Bread-winning shit job. Major school. HUGE student loans. Two pink lines. Oh. My. God.

2 comments! kim e posted at 11:43 PM
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Huh?

Is it just me or is this a little freaking morbid and/or opportunistic?

4 comments! kim e posted at 1:01 PM
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Healthy? Fuck that.

My sister called today looking for a recipe for a dip I make with a fruit plate (Equal parts Cool Whip and any flavour of yoghurt you like if you're also interested. Very yummy.).

Apparently her son's Kindergarten class is having a little 'Holiday Party' (which is another subject for another day *sigh*). The mandate came down that only HEALTHY SNACKS would be acceptable at this little shindig. Although my nephew gets his fair share of Poptarts and Pepsi my sister is, of course, wanting to conform to the prescribed 'good parent' standard at their school and will make a $25 fruit platter for a bunch of 5 year olds she doesn't know rather than whip up a $1.99 package of cake mix into 'holiday' cupcakes. Rookie.

While my children don't go to one of the elite bilingual schools that my nephew attends, the students at our school are the sons and daughters of a nice mix of doctors, lawyers, pilots, engineers, and other miscelleneous university educated professionals. This equates to a LOT of anal, stay-at-home, my-children-are-my-career types on the parent advisory council. (That's PTA for you american visitors...). This ain't no ghetto school. There is no free lunch program required at our school.

This does not prevent the powers-that-be at the school from including a monthly reminder that they frown upon unhealthy eating choices and any parent caught sending their child to school with chocolate bars will be strung up and publicly ridiculed as punishment. But surely we know how to properly dress and clothe our children as the lack thereof has never been an issue as far as I know.

I'm sorry but IT'S MY FUCKING KID. If I want to send my children to school with a can of 7up and a bag of Doritos for lunch it's MY decision to do so. Of course, this would never happen, but who the F are they? No one can tell me how to raise my children unless they had something to do with the conception of said children. And I don't remember the principle of our school being in my bedroom any time in the last twelve years or so.

Also, how hypocritical is it that the same school who FROWNS upon sugar, fat, and carbs also supports a weekly 'hot lunch' day every Friday where the children can choose PIZZA OR HOT DOGS for lunch. What. The. Fuck.

Don't they have bigger issues to be concerned with? Class sizes? Cut backs? Bullying? Proper supervision on the playground? Students learning? Passing tests?

Should I take it as a good sign that the biggest issue they have to preach about is nutrition? Am I overreacting?

5 comments! kim e posted at 12:17 AM
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Bake-o-rama

I baked two loaves of bread, a dozen rolls, and nine dozen peanut butter cookies today. WTF? Do I have a fever?

I have either channelled Mrs Cleavers spirit or I need an intervention. It's like I'm freaking 9 months pregnant and nesting for JC's sake.....

2 comments! kim e posted at 12:57 AM
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I love this man

When Jon Stewart says the F-word it makes me want to kiss him on the mouth. And his GW Bush impersonation? Totally fuckable.

1 comments! kim e posted at 12:14 AM
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'Tis the season

So, I live next door to this really nice family, a couple with a four year old daughter. The husband is laid off right now and has (apparently) a lot of time on his hands. He spent the last WEEK, putting in 10-12 hour shifts every day putting up his 9 gazillion Christmas lights and (again, apparently) he's been planning his show for quite some time.

Neighbourhood rumour has it, he spent $600 USD for some software program to run his obnoxious Griswald Christmas Vacation light show off his computer. We have to keep the blinds closed on that side of the house or else risk the flashing lights inducing seizures. And that's not even the best part!

We've been noticing that one of the street lights on our road - the one in front of Mr Griswalds house - has been flickering, on and off, and just tonight noticed the correlation. When he has his Christmas lights on HE CUTS OFF THE POWER TO THE STREET LIGHT ACROSS THE ROAD FROM HIS HOUSE!