[kiss my crisis]

On one of my very fave blogs, She Just Walks Around With It, my IIF Kristy applaudes the effort of her IIF - Imaginary Internet Friend - and his/her artistic effort.

For the record, IIF's may very well be even better than the real deal. I for one have never met, in real life, my IF (I can't even call him an IIF because I know he's not 'imaginary'). He's the real deal and so much better than I have ever found in my 'real world'.

Yes, we're of different ancestral backgrounds but I swear to G sometimes we share the same brain. We think the same on just about everything except we have opposite tastes in food. Call me crazy, but I think that's an obstacle easily overcome.

He's wonderful, understanding, non-judgemental, and a good listener. No, he's not gay. I have always wanted a big brother and he is it.

2 comments! kim e posted at 11:19 PM
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Day Two

...and all is well. We rented The Pacifier and my girl and I watched it after dinner. The boys rented a game. Yes, in fact, I am a bad mother.

One of the blogs I love, Suburban Bliss, brought up the subject of 'summer entertainment' - the challenge every stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) faces during any school vacation. You know, when you're getting the free babysitting compliments of the public school system.

This mom is feeling rather overwhelmed by a long summer of daylight killing, embarrassed about her inferior mothering skills because she isn't planning weekly educational units with craft projects, field trips, and activities all centred around a theme like some whackjob mom at her daughter's school. A theme that changes every week. Every week, folks. Are they crazy? Who has the time for that?!

I don't recall my mother being the Entertainment Director on my summer cruise...do you?! My sister and I threw on a bathing suit and hit the yard right after breakfast, only coming home for food and potty breaks. We never wore sunscreen, rode our bikes without shoes, and a helmet?! Never! If I whined that I was bored she found me something to do right quick and it usually involved picking weeds in the garden or cleaning out my closet. Guess how often we whined? That's right - not fucking often.

Now I'll be the first to admit that I coddle my children in a lot of ways - I'm pretty lenient with snacks, they don't have to make their beds, I don't let them walk to school (eventhough my son will be in grade six in the fall), I call them all 'baby', and my son didn't learn to tie his shoes until he was 7. Stuff like that. My husband is always telling me to 'cut the cord'. But for goodness sake people, we're talking about building human beings here. If you don't ignore them every once in a while and force them to use their imaginations to entertain themselves they'll never grow up to be self-sufficient adults!

0 comments! kim e posted at 9:30 PM
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Summer Vacation, Day 1

Today is officially the first day of Summer Vacation - the weekend doesn't count, of course. So far, so good; all alive and accounted for. Of course, Hubby is off work today so that takes a little heat off good ol' Mom. I only had to take two kids grocery shopping so it was tolerable. I didn't realllllly want to go but the whining and crying about the lack of food in the house was becoming too much to bear.

We now have five, yes 5, different types of granola bars along with crackers, fruit rollups, cheese strings, yogurt, cereal bars, pudding cups, and every type of fruit known to man. I even made muffins with the brown bananas that were left from last week's shopping trip. What did my oldest want for a snack before bed? Soup!!

It's only Day One people..............................

0 comments! kim e posted at 11:40 PM
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Things I know to be true.

Now, I know I didn't leave that glass on my bedside table on Monday. But yet, there it was.

I know I didn't eat 3 bags of Scooby fruit snacks and leave the wrappers on my bedside table on Tuesday. And yet, there they were.

I *know* that I didn't eat a bowl of stew and leave my dishes in my room. Hmmmm...dirty bowl in my room.

I'm 31 and don't drink out of toddler sippy cups. Why then, did I find two of them hidden under my bed?

Ok, I'm no hillbilly, but my kids like to go to 7-11 once in a while to get a Slurpee. I don't like them. Why then did I find two Star Wars themed slurpee cups in my ensuite bathroom? (I am so not blaming this on the children because my husband is way more of a Star Wars freak then all three of them combined).

To make a long story short.... when you see those decorating shows where they make their bedrooms their 'sanctuary', it's a lod of crap if they have children under 15. And even then, I'm not so sure.

0 comments! kim e posted at 11:08 PM
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I am no longer twenty.

On Friday night we had a few friends over for dinner; 3 couples, barbequed chicken, a salad, nothing crazy. We sat on the deck, looked out at the water, had a few drinks, watched the cars coming and going as a party heated up across the road.

You see, there's a nice 20 year old kid that lives in the basement suite across the street. His landlord and his mom were both over at our place watching the friends pile in to his little one bedroom apartment. They were a happy group, really having a lot of fun.

Around 11pm we decided that they were having WAY more fun than we were and we should just go and see what it was all about. Things went a little sideways after that.

I recall watching their backyard neighbour, The Religious Freak, hanging over her sundeck railing screaching 'Shut the fuck up! I'm calling the cops and your asses will be in JAIL!'.

I recall being overly obsessed that my friend had brought her drink over from my house in my wedding crystal.

I recall watching my friend funnel beer like a frat boy. Remember, her son is the 20 year old; she's no spring chicken.

I recall kicking some Paris Hilton wannabe out of the bathroom because I had to pee really bad.

I recall two boys putting on hockey gloves and helmets with full cages and start boxing in the middle of the back yard. They even had a ref.

It was about then that I decided I was way too old for this. I'm not twenty anymore afterall.

2 comments! kim e posted at 12:20 AM
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Yes, I know it's been 11 days since I posted. Frankly, I just haven't felt like it.

I saw the doc today and ALL is well in one painless swoop! I complained about my migraines and he offered a one-a-day-at-bedtime preventative solution that just happens to be a mild anti-depressant that might just make me drowsy! Headache-curing happy pills that'll knock me out! Keeping my fingers crossed.

3 comments! kim e posted at 10:55 PM
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shhhh, it's a secret

I happened upon this blog this week and it struck a nerve. A raw one.

On it, people write their 'secret' down on a postcard and mail it in then the blogger chooses, from the submissions, which to post every week. It absolutely blew my mind reading everyone's ultra private thoughts. I felt so voyeuristic because it's so intimate. In the small amount of text that can fit onto a traditional postcard, such powerful messages can be relayed.

I know that a lot of people bare their dirty underwear blissfully (and in many cases, inanely) in their blogs but this, in its anonymity, the intimacy is intense. The absence of responsibility, risk, guilt, incrimination (I could go on...) creates an environment for honesty and confidentiality that is so simple in its humanity but so rarely found in another environment.

I am a person who is painfully private. So much so, that I fear the inability to have a truely honest and intimate relationship with anyone, including my husband. I have such a profound fear of recrimination and humiliation that I can not trust anyone with my most private thoughts and feelings.

I can't even talk to my doctor (of 10+ years) about the depression I battle weekly. I seriously need some Happy Pills but despite the fact that I pep-talked myself for days leading up to today's appointment, when the time came I clammed up and didn't mention anything about it. Which, of course, makes me feel even worse.

I see him again on the 14th so I'll continue to prepare the conversation and see how it goes.